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So it’s the beginning of the new year. Many of us have plenty of resolutions that we may or may not carry out. But before diverting focus to the new year resolutions, there are a few other things that may need to be focused on. You know the saying, “If you’re not o.k. nothing or no one around you will be.” The last thing you ever want to do in life is regret who you are. As women we naturally regret who we are on the daily. It happens consciously and unconsciously. A conscious regret would be, “I wish I had an ass like hers” so you may wear butt-pads…An unconscious regret would be, waking up every day unconsciously unhappy with yourself; holding a lingering sadness because you’re not who you want to be or where you want to be.

You want to be conscious of yourself and what makes you, you. If you lived as a traitor to yourself- lacking confidence and self-acceptance rest assure, you will never be respected by anyone in any capacity. In our early years of covering body positivity we once had the pleasure of interviewing the late, Plus-Model Mia Amber Davis, who shared the importance of defining and loving yourself. It may not be the easiest thing to do but once you start, you will never stop!

Circa: November 2010 | Felicia York interviewing Plus-Model Mia Amber-Davis at a fashion show in Brooklyn, NYC produced by Redress

Her advice:

“Stand in front of the mirror naked each day and pick 10 things that you love about yourself”.

What’s the first thing you do after waking up? Are you giving thanks for another day to be your awesome self? Are you celebrating yourself? Are you pulling out your phone for your A.M. social media fix? But the real question is…Are you loving yourself when you awake? Are you showing your body the love it needs to feel safe and comfortable? Are you protecting your body with positive thoughts about yourself?

Photo Courtesy: Theary Sim, Plus-Model and Designer


Some hauties carry a pixelated view of themselves, unsure of who they are, and opposed to everything that makes them; them. Society doesn’t seem to make this “pixelation” any better with all the social pressures on beauty standards set by the media. I know this first hand…I use to be amongst the pixelated. I hated myself, my reflection, and everything I was composed of. I could not identify a single quality I loved about myself. My self-reflection effected 100% of my interactions with people. I can’t even begin to explain how much damage it caused in my personal relationships. My first “serious relationship” was ruined by my lack of love for myself. I didn’t understand how anyone could love me so much when I didn’t even love myself. This took some heavy duty damage control.



My solution was to let go of any negative thoughts of how I perceived myself and of how others perceived me and focus on changing what I didn’t like about myself. I always had an issue with my weight, with my smallest being a size 10 and my largest being a size 16/18 so I made every effort to get down to a size where I felt most comfortable which was a size 12. The next item on my list of things to change was to work on increasing my self-worth. You know what they say…”It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice”. This saying went a long way for me. No matter what country you’re in, I assure you people like to feel important in some capacity. Whether it’s feeling important amongst friends, family, co-workers, classmates, or to themselves.

To increase my self-value I devoted my time to a lot of community service activities, that included working with domestic violence victims, helping people register to vote, and helping senior citizens at nursing homes. These efforts helped me to see there are people who have far worse problems than myself and the fact that I was able to help them made me feel important, which in-turn- boosted my self-esteem and self-worth.

It’s important to define yourself and your standards. If you don’t, there is a strong possibility that you will find yourself in plenty of situations where you are taken advantage of or disrespected. Be up front with yourself on what you will or will not tolerate. Never take yourself for granted or allow anyone else to.


In short…be the change you want to see in your life, and if you’re unable to see who you are because you suffer from pixelation take the wise words of the late Mia Amber Davis and  “stand in front of the mirror naked each day and pick 10 things that you love about yourself”.

Selina Weekes
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Selina Weekes

Founder at Manik Mag
Fashion journalist and plus-size designer advocate.
Selina Weekes
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